Top Ten Bill Hicks videos

“I left in love, in laughter, and in truth and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.”

22 years after his death, Bill Hicks is still one of the most popular comedian, he is considered to be one of the most popular and influential comedians of the era.

Here are the Top Ten Bill Hicks videos .

1.Bill Hicks Stand Up – 1990

Hicks talks about how he loves being a comedian and how its the greatest job in the world, but also the fact that he hates travelling.

2.Bill Hicks Mandatory marijuana

“They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you’re high, you can do everything you normally do just as well — you just realize that it’s not worth the f**king effort. There is a difference.”

But, Bill, alcohol is an acceptable – shut the f**k up, you’re wrong… kay? kay.

Sh*t, not only do I think marijuana should be legalized. I think it should be mandatory. I’m a hard liner.

Think about it man, you get in traffic behind somebody. *Honks* *Honks* *Honks* *Honks* *Honks* *Honks* *Honks* *Honks*

Shut up and smoke that, it’s the law.

Oh, sorry. I was taking life seriously. Oh man, who’s hungry?

That’d be a nice world wouldn’t it? Quiet, mellow, hungry, high people everywhere. Just Domino’s pizza trucks passing each other. Every single highway, parades of Domino’s. *Horn Sound*

Let them get stuck in traffic, all our pizzas will be free.

3.Bill Hicks – Non-Smokers

There’s smoke in here. There’s the smokers over there. Look at you, cool as a f**king cucumber. How many smokers do we have here tonight? [only a few people cheer]Whew! Listen to all that energy they can pump out at will. [goes into coughing fit for about 20 seconds] Thanks smokers. Valiant effort on your parts. Next time just hock up a chunk of lung, just rear back and launch a phlegm-gem toward the stage. Get one of those raw oysters happening. [mock spits and mimics mucus growing legs and running away] Hey hey hey, phlegm shouldn’t have legs. Now, I’m no doctor but I’ve seen one on T.V. You ready for this, smokers? Listen to this: how many non-smokers do we have here tonight? [loud applause] Bunch of whinin’ maggots. [lights cigarette] Bunch of obnoxious, self-righteous slugs. Don’t take that wrong. I’d quit smoking if I didn’t think I’d become one of you. I’m willing to die seven years before my time just so I’ll be cool each last f**kin’ day.

4.Bill Hicks: Dark Poet

  • They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven’t proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven’t seen the stats on that yet.
  • I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, “Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.” This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don’t think a Marlboro Light’s gonna faze him that much.
  • I am available for children’s parties, by the way.

5.Bill Hicks: Chicago (1991)

  • Not all drugs are good, all right? Some of them … are great. Just gotta know your way around them, is all.
  • Why is pot against the law? It wouldn’t be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can’t make a profit off it, would it?
  • Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake. Like on the seventh day God looked down, “There it is. My Creation, perfect and holy in all ways. Now I can rest. [Gives shocked expression] Oh myMe! I left f**kin’ pot everywhere. I should never have smoked that joint on the third day. Hehe, that was the day I created the possum. Still gives me a chuckle. But if I leave pot everywhere, that’s gonna give people the impression they’re supposed to … use it. Now I have to create Republicans.” ” … and God wept”, I believe is the next part of that story.

6.Bill Hicks Relentless 2006 Bill Hicks Stand Up Special Full Show

  • They’re putting the cart before the horse on this pornography issue. Playboy doesn’t cause sexual thoughts. There are sexual thoughts, and, therefore, there is Playboy. Don’t you see? I know these sound like deep philosophical questions, “What came first, the hard-on or the Madonna video?” and “If a hard-on falls in the forest, do you go blind?” and “What does an atheist scream when they come?”
  • You know what causes sexual thoughts? I’m gonna clear the air for you tonight. I’m gonna end this debate, hopefully once and for all while on this planet, ’cause outer space awaits our presence, we are better and more unique creatures than this and all eternity is our playground, so let me go ahead and clear this one issue up once and for all and let’s move on to real issues. Can we? Great. Here’s what causes sexual thoughts. Ready, drumroll: having a dick.
  • They say rock and roll is the Devil’s music. Well, let’s say that it is – I’ve got news for ya – let’s say that rock and roll is the Devil’s music and we know it for a fact to be absolutely unequivocally true… boy, at least he f**kin’ jams! AHAHAHAHAHA – okay? Did you hear that correctly? If it’s a choice between eternal hell and good tunes or eternal heaven and New Kids on the f**kin’ Block? I’m gonna be surfing on the lake of fire, rockin’ out! High fiving Satan every time I pass him on the f**king shore. Because, you know, if you play New Kids on the Block albums backwards, they sound better, you know. “Oh come on Bill, they’re the New Kids! Don’t pick on them; they’re so good, they’re so clean cut and they’re such a good image for our children!” F**k that. When did mediocrity and banality become a good image for your children? I want my children to listen to people who f**kin’ ROCKED! I don’t care if they died in a puddle of their own VOMIT, I WANT SOMEONE WHO PLAYS FROM HIS F**KIN’ HEART! “Mommy! Mommy! The man Bill told me to listen to has a blood bubble on his nose” SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO HIM PLAY. “The New Kids! Hi, we’re the New Kids! We’re so good and clean cu- [strange, loud satanic noises] We’re so clean cut – SIEG HEIL! HEIL! HEIL! – A good clean country – HEIL! HEIL HEIL! [more satanic noises] F**K THAT, I WANT MY ROCKSTARS DEAD!!! I want them to f**king play with one hand and put a gun in their other f**king hand and go “Hope you enjoyed the show!” [mimics gunshot to the head] YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!! YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! PLAY FROM YOUR F**KING HEAAAAARRRRRRRT! Ahem, I am available for children’s parties by the way.
  • I don’t know what you all believe, and I don’t really care … but you have to admit that beliefs are odd. Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks … you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a f**king cross?

7.Shock and Awe! Bill Hicks

  • People often ask me where I stand politically. It’s not that I disagree with Bush’s economic policy or his foreign policy, it’s that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.
  • How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? …Seventy percent. What the f**k? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?

8.Bill Hicks – Revelations (1993)

  • They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you’re high, you can do everything you normally do just as well – you just realize that it’s not worth the f**king effort. There is a difference.


  • I deal only in facts, that’s why I’m a cocky f**kin’ b**tard.
  • [on the Gulf War] I was in the unenviable position of being for the war, but against the troops.

10.Bill Hicks BANNED Letterman stand-up

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